This past weekend, I had the privilege of accompanying 6 other people from our church to Nashville, TN to attend the Connecting Church and Home Conference. The conference took place at Brentwood Baptist Church and was co-sponsored by Family Life and the Council for Biblical Manhood and Womanhood. Why was such a conference needed? Here are some recent statistics:

“The national survey of 1,200 parents with children under 18 at home was conducted by LifeWay Research, the research arm of LifeWay Christian Resources of the Southern Baptist Convention.

The study found that 96 percent of parents agree they consistently try to be better parents. Fifty-eight percent agree strongly and 38 percent agree somewhat with this statement.

“Parents claim they are trying hard to be better parents but they are not welcoming outside guidance or advice,” said Scott McConnell, associate director of LifeWay Research and co-author with Rodney and Selma Wilson of The Parent Adventure, just released from B&H Publishing Group, with complementary teaching and learning resources from LifeWay Church Resources. “The only source of advice that a majority of parents use a lot is their own experience. It’s as if parents are collectively reverting to a popular toddler saying, ‘I will do it myself!’”

In addition, the sad statistics are often quoted that show 69-88 percent of evangelical teenagers will leave the church after graduation from high school (2/3 of them never to return). Christian and secular sociologists, Christian and secular researchers, youth workers, authors, and several others have researched the matter and all have come up with the same results.

Randy Stinson’s opening comments of the conference were along the lines of, “I’ve been to lots of conferences. We all agree that a problem exists. We wanted to have a conference to begin talking about solutions.”  The goal of the conference was to highlight some churches that had found a way to make ground on resolving the problem. In addition to giving these churches a platform to share about their ministries, they supplemented the speakers with other folks who were doing good work in this area in their context.

The response to the conference was very positive, but many of us came away with a burden to do better as a church in the area of equipping families to disciple one another in their homes. Our closing prayer time was full of tears as we asked the Lord to help us do better in this area.

The responses that follow are from some of the folks in our group that were able to attend the conference:

“I learned how to better disciple the children in our church regarding the true meaning of Easter.”

“I saw the need to declare the home a sacred place and to start in our home.”

“I was impacted by the speaker (Mike Glenn) who said, “Christ is shaking ouT of his church all that is not of him.”

“I typically just want to be comfortable, but it’s not what Christ wants. He wants me to jump in and lead and be deliberate in establishing [myself as] a Christlike male role model.”

“I learned that I have to start in the home and set the standard I did not have so that my children and those I teach can seek and desire Christ. I also learned ideas on teaching children”

As for myself, this conference reinforced for me, the fact that seeking to equip parents does not need to be a matter of adding another program. If we, as a church, would seek to equip parents to disciple their children, we do not need to add yet another thing to their already busy schedules. What we need to do is incorporate family ministry into the programs that we are already doing or consider scratching some of the programs that are in place that are not equipping anyone. Pray that God would give our church and our church’s leaders the wisdom to navigate the choppy waters of ministering to the families in our church and community. May the next generation see and know God as the glorious, all-consuming Creator Father that He has revealed Himself to be.

Change in the Church: How Should We Respond?

It has been said that there are only two guarantees in this life: (1) death and (2) taxes. I think that we could safely add a third guarantee to the list -change. Change is something that is always happening to us. Some change happens very slowly and isn't very noticeable on a day to day basis. An example of this is when you turn around twice and your sweet little toddler who just uttered "DA-DA" is about to finish Kindergarten. Other changes happen suddenly, like a 2009 ice storm that rocked our county. So the question is not, "What if I experience change?" but "When changes come, how will I respond?" For our purposes, we should be probably be saying, "Changes have come to our church. How can we respond?"

I'm sure I don't have to tell you that changes have split churches in half, leaving severed relationships in their wake. At that point, it is too late to ask, "What could have been done differently?" This question should constantly be asked during the change itself, not afterwards. I'm also sure that I don't have to tell you that you will not like every change that happens at Salem Baptist Church. At this point, some self examination may be in order.

Why don't I like the change? There are several answers to this question:

1. I don't like the change because it is unbiblical. At this point, we should refer to the instructions clearly laid out in Scripture for loving confrontation: (1) Examine yourself to see that your understandings and motivations are in the right (Matthew 7:5), (2) Go to the person or persons who have instituted the change, patiently present your concerns to them and either give them an opportunity to repent, or (if you have misunderstood the person's actions) repent yourself. If either of these things happen, nothing more needs to be done other than continuing to pursue a godly and edifying relationship with the person(s) involved (Matthew 18:15). (3) If you are still convinced you are in the right, bring along other people who understand the issues at stake to confront the individual with you. Again, if this is effective in persuading the person at fault, the matter is dropped, the issue is over, and you can move on striving for godliness with this fellow church member (Matthew 18:16). (4) If, however, this does not result in repentance, the next step is to bring the problem up before the church (Matthew 18:17). If the person instituting the change is a pastor, the only difference is that two or three people (not one) must have evidence that change is sinful prior to the confrontation (1 Timothy 5:19).

At this point, we should probably say that biblical reasons are the only reasons that we should not submit to changes in the church. Though we may not like changes taking place, we can still, out of reverence for Christ's church submit to them.

2. I don't like the change because I feel it was not done wisely. If this if the issue, we cannot look to a chapter and verse -calling the change sinful. Rather, we just feel that it would have been wiser to go about the change a certain way or not to have instituted the change at all. If this is the case, I feel that the first and second steps of the above prescriptions are as far as we can go. If it is too late to reverse the changes, at least the next changes may be more wisdom-filled. After we have discussed it with our unwise brother or sister, the matter should be dropped. This is a key element to fulfilling the command to "submit to one another out of reverance for Christ" (Ephesians 5:21). We are wise to submit to one another by giving a hearing to "wisdom issues" that come our way because it is true that "one man sharpens another as iron sharpens iron" (Proverbs 27:17).

At this point, we should probably stop and say that any reason other than the above two are probably selfish reasons not to like change. But, it is helpful to look at a few common reasons anyway:

3. This change costs me something.

4. This change is unfair.

5. This change wasn't communicated to me in a way that I appreciate.

6. This change forces me to eat humble-pie.

These are just a few objections to change that reveal pride in our hearts. If we do not humble ourselves, we will never be at a point that we can rejoice when changes come our way (James 1:2-3).

How should I respond to change? If we wanted to simplify things, we could answer this question, "I can respond righteously or sinfully." or "I can respond positively or negatively." Following are some ways that we could respond negatively or sinfully:

Anger, gossip, bitterness, throwing a pity-party, focusing on the right to be treated better, gathering a following, or even giving enough token submission to get by . . . until? These are all dangerous ways to respond to change and can kill a church (at worst) or it's mission (at best).

But there also some ways to respond positively/righteously to change that comes our way: STRIVE FOR UNITY! Unity is something that you must strive for and work to maintain (Ephesians 4:3). Contrary, to popular thought, it is not making sure everyone is happy (this is impossible). It is also not keeping a certain group in the church happy. Unity is best acheived when we roll up our sleeves, and start one-anothering. There is command after command in the Scriptures on how to live in love and harmony with one another in the life of the church. When we all put on love and put on humility and start to serve, encourage, bear with, and forgive one another, we will see unity.

Change is here. How are you responding?